My Thoughts While Watching… Child’s Play (1988) [Trigger Warning: Child Endangerment]

I’ve seen plenty of Buzzfeed posts floating around where people write a list of thoughts while watching a movie. I read some a few years ago where someone watched all of the Harry Potter movies for the first time while live tweeting and writing a post per movie. I still quote a lot of what he said to this day. #Wood4Wood.

Anyway, I have taken inspiration and have decided to try it for myself. Of course, they will be horror movies and possibly TV shows. They don’t have to be first-time watches. It just gives me something productive to do while watching TV.

I will number everything to kind of break it up, and there will be SPOILERS. Here we go…

WARNING: The movie covers topics of child endangerment where the life of the 6-year-old protagonist is threatened. If you’re not in the right headspace for these topics or are triggered by them, then I recommend giving this post a miss.

I have also reviewed this movie, if you want to check that out.

1. So this is my first time watching my Blu-ray collection of the Child’s Play franchise.
2. Subtitles on.
3. I’ve been watching this movie for years, but I still have to wonder how much of the dialogue I have misheard.
4. I hear the weirdest things. To me, the music reminds me of The Terminator. Probably just me.
5. Just gonna hop on into this toy store. Hopefully, this copper will have a fear of dolls.
6. Nope.
7. Shooty shooty.
8. Yes, that is Chris Sarandon. Thanks for letting me know.
9. And that is Brad Dourif. Those are some nicely timed credits there, Lou.
10. Isn’t it a bit random that he screams that he wants revenge on Eddie? I mean, I understand why he wants to. But why shout about it?
11.  I think he’s just looking for a good guy. I wonder what he’s going to do with that…
12. His back’s all wet.
13. I think it would have been funny if he looked at the Good Guy doll, rolled his eyes, groaned, and said, “Aw, shit.” Knowing that you’re going to be stuck as this ugly ass doll, why would you chuckle, Charlie? You’ll be begging to get out later.
14. It’s now the first of many Damballa chants. Get ready to memorise it; they play this one a lot over the franchise.
15. [Aussie accent] Everything’s coming up explodey!
16. And that, kids, is why I hate Christmas. The year the toy shop exploded. It has nothing to do with the time I tried to steal Christmas for myself. I swear.
17. Hidey-ho indeed.
18. Andy is determined to keep his “cutest kid in horror” title. It was challenged in Cujo, but he’s playing to win.
19. Is that ice cream or butter? I genuinely can’t tell.
20. He runs like Chucky.
21. Well, there goes the ice cream butter.
22. It’s hard to be raised by a single mum when you don’t understand that money is tight. This feels sadly relatable.
23. Tell me more, tell me more, like, does he have a car?
24. You have a specified break time for doll purchasing? How oddly specific.
25. Yeah, Walter, chill out. He’s one of those men in movies who just resent women who have children and work. Why would you threaten a single mum’s job on her son’s birthday? I bet his daddy runs the store.
26. Did Andy think that was groceries? That’s adorable.
27. Why did we need a close-up of Marty eating a piece of cake?
28. You’re going to have to help Chucky walk, Aunt Maggie. He’s a doll.
29. Why is Maggie wearing boots in the house? Is she not stopping?
30. The number of Good Guy products Mancini has made is hilarious. Did you know you can get Funko cereal now? Don wasn’t exaggerating with this; he predicted it.
31. Is that a photo of his dad? I’ve never noticed that before.
32. Why does he need to hurry under the covers? Is something coming to eat him that can’t get past his duvet?
33. What film is that on TV? I’m going to look that up…
34. Donovan’s Brain (1953). Thank you, IMDB. Although it took longer than I wanted it to.
35. I mean, who else would it be? Remember, she doesn’t know that a serial killer voodood his soul into a doll and is now running around inside a little plastic body. So who else would it be, Maggie?
36. If you put a chair under the door, how is Karen going to get back in?
37. Those are some quick phone-answering skills she has there.
38. You’re not alone, Maggie. Andy and Chucky, the killer doll, are there with you.
39. Now that’s a realistic toy hammer. Wouldn’t get that into Comic Con, I tells ya.
40. What did she think was hiding behind that plant pot? A killer doll?
41. Oh, no, a killer doll! And I’ve taken a hammer to the face.
42. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a doll takes out a grown woman.
43. What did the cop think she was doing? Did he think she was just bored, saw a kerfuffle, and decided to go have a look? Come on, mate, use some detective work.
44. He’s always the last place you look. Although I would think his bedroom would be the first place you would look.
45. You mean she fell through the kitchen window, not from it? She practically made a running jump; she wasn’t hanging from it. I know… semantics.
46. Good Guy PJ sneakers? Now I’ve heard everything. What next, Good Guy batteries?
47. Who’s Sid, and why did we need that line?
48. That doll has floury feet. Suspicious.
49. That may be a small hammer, but Andy tunnelled out of Shawshank with one much smaller than that. It’s not the size of the hammer that matters.
50. We know, Andy. He’s a doll, not your invisible friend.
51. Really, Andy? Because we only heard you say it.
52. He’s a real boy.
53. No, Andy. It’s because you said that Aunt Maggie was a real bitch who got what she deserved. I don’t care if you’re just repeating what your not-alive doll said. It was mean.
54. Did Chucky actually go to sleep?
55. No one ever notices the kid with the almost child-sized doll wandering the rough streets of Chicago.
56. Someone has a very rubbery hand.
57. [Aussie accent] Everything’s coming up explodey!
58. Chucky strangles people; I don’t think he cares about a kid being taken away from his mother.
59. Is he Gary Busey’s dad? Because he looks like he could be Gary Busey’s dad.
60. Karen’s reminding me of when George McFly asks Marty if he should swear. Hey, you. Get your damn hands off her!
61. Well, shit. Good Guy batteries are indeed a thing. Do they come in other sizes? These are size D.
62. Oh my god, there are no size Ds in there!
63. I think “filthy slut” was a tad harsh there, Charlie boy.
64. Yeah, you’d better run, you little plastic shit!
65. Oh, no. She’s lost her son’s favourite toy.
66. Those plastic teeth really did a number on her arm. That looks nasty.
67. Dude, she can’t hear you. Go get her.
68. Random thought: what if Charles transferred his soul into a transformer? Imagine having Megatron come after you.
69. You got that from a knee to the nards? That’s how they do it at the academy, I guess?
70. Scatter, boys!
71. Dude, you killed him? That’s harsh.
72. Ah, he screamed about killing Eddie so Mike could casually mention it to Karen as a clue that Charlie must be Chucky.
73. What are you going to do—drag her out of the car? Oh, you are. Damn.
74. The first night? That was last night.
75. This movie takes place over three days, by the way. We’re on day 2.
76. Strangling someone while they’re driving is hella dangerous, Chucky. Wait till he stops.
77. Cigarette lighter to the face.
78. Now he’s just thrusting a knife through his seat. Road safety!
79. Almost instant vasectomy.
80. Ah, the old stab, crawl and run.
81. Then why did you scream when he burned you before?
82. My knife!
83. How’s a bullet to the stuffed torso feel?
84. Day 3…
85. What a dick. Who do you think you are? Batman?
86. You mean this man?
87. Oh, that man!
88. He put a little plaster cross on his bullet wound! Adorable.
89. Why would you (a) have a voodoo doll of yourself and (b) tell someone like Chucky where you hide it? Silly John.
90. That’s a lot of blood. And a lot of lit candles.
91. “He’s going to kill me” are words a 6-year-old should never have to say. I can’t watch him cry; it’s too devastating. I believe that this kid really thinks he’s about to die.
92. Did we really need to zoom in on the keys? We can see that they’re keys.
93. Aw, he’s tripping and slipping while holding a scalpel. There’s too much cute in this horror movie.
94. This grown man is struggling to restrain a 6-year-old.
95. Why does this “hospital” look like it’s in a basement?
96. Clever smart boy made his own way home.
97. LOL.
98. The kid has a Muppet Babies playhouse in his closet. I wish I had a Muppet Babies playhouse. I’d play in that all day. I’d play the shit out of it. Even now. They make their dreams come true.
99. He fell again! It looked deliberate, but still cute.
100. And now for our first look at the game ‘hide the soul.’ Also, chant number 2.
101. Darn kid blocked the door; now they can’t get in to rescue him. This is the second time a chair has blocked the front door.
102. I bet he misses being a vampire… And a skeleton.
103. Tiny doll. Fully grown cop. Who will win…? The doll, obviously.
104. I just paused as he lunged at her after she shot him, and I’m seeing a strong resemblance to Jack Nicholson. Wasn’t just the voice, I see.
105. You can’t strangle her with those tiny rubber hands, Chuck.
106. Now that’s how you do a catchphrase.
107. Thanks for joining us, Mike. We did all the damn work.
108. Tripped ya!
109. What a gooey, melty mess he is.
110. Wow, Charlie really hates the plastic body he picked. Who’da thunk-it?
111. Why isn’t she aiming for the smallest part of his tiny plastic frame? You know, the heart.
112. That’s one dead doll. Or is it?
113. Why does this scene remind me of Re-Animator?
114. Again, a tiny plastic hand is incapable of strangling a human adult. I’m going to put Chucky’s stupidity down to brain damage.
115. Is he trying to give them the finger? Because it looks like he’s trying to give them the finger.
116. Is she leading him out of the room by the pinkie?
117. I’ve only misheard about 1% of the dialogue. That’s good news.

Child’s Play sits at #17 in my top 50 horror movies and is probably in my top 10 horror franchises. It’s a consistent series due to it being helmed by its original creator, Don Mancini. I love that Mancini doesn’t attempt to ignore any part of the franchise with the use to rebooting or retconning aspects of the previous films. He embraces the camp, flaws and all. I respect the hell out of this; he knows what he’s made and is not ashamed of any of it.

Even now, the film holds up with its practical effects that use complicated-but-worth-it animatronics to bring Chucky to life—a technique that I’m pretty sure they still use today. Now that is consistency!

As far as killer doll movies go, this one is definitely one of the greatest, standing up as a commentary on 80s consumerism while containing the blueprints of the dark humour that will become more prevalent in the following installments. There’s nothing unlikeable about this movie, although I have heard it said that it may have been interesting if Chucky was left more ambiguous and we didn’t know if it was all in Andy’s head (Cinemassacre review). I disagree, since we wouldn’t have gotten the powerhouse performance of Brad Dourif—the absolute highlight of the franchise. It’s probably a role he can’t age out of, given that there’s no physicality involved.

Child’s Play is a staple in the slasher subgenre, a must-watch for any horror fan, and a re-watchable classic that will make you want to play with Chucky again and again. It will never be the end, friend. Hidey-ho!